I'm back.

I'm back y'all!

2 years later. That's all it took for me to get back at this. I'm really bad at writing things down because I think I get too busy. I think that's normal, right?  I constantly think, Hey! I should write that down. But then I'm off on the next thought.

Well what has happened in the past 2 years?  My kids are 2 years older, Marquis is 16 (and driving, btw), Malia is 10 and fiesty as ever and Monty is still the sweetest, loudest little 10 year old you will ever meet. And I love them.

My husband is still my very most favorite person in the whole world.  Seriously.  It's stupid how happy I am.

Except for my weight.  Not that I'm obese.  Last I weighed myself, I was 135. That's NOT cool being that I am  5'2" and 134 was my heaviest WHEN I WAS 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!!

But as everyone has been telling me, it's not about the weight. It's about the way I fit in my clothes.

My diet has been 90% clean for the past month (give or take a few days) (and NOT counting my trip to NY last week).   Protein first thing in the morning, mostly tuna salads for lunch, and really compliant dinners.  But for the couple glasses of wine a night, I would be 120 lbs....oh and if I didn't work out religiously, I really would be at a smaller weight.

Weirdly, I've grown to love working out. I started crossfit last August and fell right in love.  I don't  know why, because while I'm grasping for breath at the 55th wallball, I'm screaming WHY AM I  DOING THIS???  but then I realize my gains.  Yes, there are gains. I feel myself getting stronger and I've  noted my progress.  My scaled weights have gone higher, so that's good. (as I glare at the scale)

On top of xfit 3-4 days a week, I throw in a couple days of Barre3. It's fantastic.  Like I said, I feel stronger, better, and I feel like crap if I don't work out.  So that's new.

I think that's it for now. I just wanted to let you know that I'm back. Stronger than ever.

Raising Malia.

Yesterday I had another heart to heart with my lovely, beautiful, outspoken, 9 year old daughter. I love her to pieces as she reminds me so much of me when I was little but also she has bits and pieces of her father. I divorced him for a reason.

But I don't want to digress, as this is not about why I divorced this person. 

This is about me trying to be opposite of my mother in how she raised me.

I was raised with an iron fist.  She does what she wanted and we had to listen.  We had no voice in the matter, we had no opinions.  And I think part of that was the filipino upbringing.  And that my mother was young when she had us.  But that isn't an excuse, as I was 20 when I had my first.

Anyway, my little one was upset because she didn't like how I talked to her.  She literally said that she was mad at me for being mad at her.  Is that normal?  Granted, she is 9 and she is quite immature but I had  her repeat that statement. I KNOW she didn't like hearing it from herself and she felt bad (as the tears were coming down her little pink cheeks) so I am hoping to GOD that some of this is resonating in her brain.

If it's one thing that I've learned in my 33 years on this Earth is that words really carry a lot of weight. Whether it's a "thank you" to a stranger holding the door open for you, or an "I love you" at night to my kids, talking is key.  I will always try and instill communication in my relationships with my kids, and my hubby...and crap...anyone that I love.

So I told her that if she is mad at me, ever, that is ok. It's ok to have feelings. But it is NOT ok to sulk and hide and act like a bitch (I didnt say that to her but you get the idea.)  I told her that we should always talk about our feelings. At this point, I think she felt really bad and kept saying she didn't want to talk anymore, and I realize that it was a lot of talking for a 9 year old girl. 

We left it at that.  I went on to making dinner and joking with my other 2 boys, and she came in like nothing happened. So...I think it went well? 

Sigh. I just hope that I can continue to pave this open, communicative relationship with my kids.  I'm scared because I only have them half of the time, as I share them with dad.  And I know her dad doesn't have the same parental skills as I do. From what I can see, he lets her run the roost at the other house.

And one day, when I have to fight for custody for her, will she hate me for fighting with her dad? Who can say.

I'll just have to keep forging away.  Because I love my children.

Hey-o!

So as I'm working in my downtown office, a lot of thoughts are rushing through my little brain.

1. I can't WAIT to go on vacation next week to Arizona. It'll be so nice. I'll miss the kids but MAN I can't wait to go! (then I hear the voice of my 8 year old girl saying "whaaaat? why do YOU get to go on vacation and not us?" urgh.

2. I am also streaming the Masters. Man I wish I could play like these guys can. But if I did, I certainly wouldn't be sitting here, now would I?

3. For some odd reason, I'm getting in this whole healthy kick in right now? I blame Steve. :) Eating right, no booze, working out, it's all so very crazy to me. But then again, whenever I look in the mirror and think "fat ass", that may be it too. That and I went swim suit shopping w/ Gina (steve's sister) the other day, and I realized I need to seriously lose about 10 pounds. (I'm 127. It's not bad but I'm also a short filipino girl)

4. (I had to work for a few minutes. I am at work you know)

5. Easter. We gotta get things planned for those little kids that live with us. Did I mention they live with us rent free? Cheapskates! LOL!

6. Also, with the vacation next week, I have to get a round of golf in. I haven't played all year and if I have a tee time next week, I gotta get my shit in gear.

Seriously, there's so much more. But I would write for days. That's it for now. (I think) :)

my very first blog ever

Oh hello.

Trying this new thing out. And I can't spend too much time on it since I have a shit ton of work to do.

But today I am at the downtown office. Need to do banking and filing while I'm here. Not blogging. So I'll come back in a bit to check in and let you know how far I've progressed. Notorious procrastinator. That's me.

And I'm cranky. So that's fun.