Yesterday I had another heart to heart with my lovely, beautiful, outspoken, 9 year old daughter. I love her to pieces as she reminds me so much of me when I was little but also she has bits and pieces of her father. I divorced him for a reason.
But I don't want to digress, as this is not about why I divorced this person.
This is about me trying to be opposite of my mother in how she raised me.
I was raised with an iron fist. She does what she wanted and we had to listen. We had no voice in the matter, we had no opinions. And I think part of that was the filipino upbringing. And that my mother was young when she had us. But that isn't an excuse, as I was 20 when I had my first.
Anyway, my little one was upset because she didn't like how I talked to her. She literally said that she was mad at me for being mad at her. Is that normal? Granted, she is 9 and she is quite immature but I had her repeat that statement. I KNOW she didn't like hearing it from herself and she felt bad (as the tears were coming down her little pink cheeks) so I am hoping to GOD that some of this is resonating in her brain.
If it's one thing that I've learned in my 33 years on this Earth is that words really carry a lot of weight. Whether it's a "thank you" to a stranger holding the door open for you, or an "I love you" at night to my kids, talking is key. I will always try and instill communication in my relationships with my kids, and my hubby...and crap...anyone that I love.
So I told her that if she is mad at me, ever, that is ok. It's ok to have feelings. But it is NOT ok to sulk and hide and act like a bitch (I didnt say that to her but you get the idea.) I told her that we should always talk about our feelings. At this point, I think she felt really bad and kept saying she didn't want to talk anymore, and I realize that it was a lot of talking for a 9 year old girl.
We left it at that. I went on to making dinner and joking with my other 2 boys, and she came in like nothing happened. So...I think it went well?
Sigh. I just hope that I can continue to pave this open, communicative relationship with my kids. I'm scared because I only have them half of the time, as I share them with dad. And I know her dad doesn't have the same parental skills as I do. From what I can see, he lets her run the roost at the other house.
And one day, when I have to fight for custody for her, will she hate me for fighting with her dad? Who can say.
I'll just have to keep forging away. Because I love my children.
